she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
