I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
