I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
