Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
