I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
