i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
