Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
