What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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