Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
