stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
