so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
