I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
