You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
