my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
