she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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