He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dicks are not precious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
