Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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