i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
