i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
