He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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