so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will be naked everywhere
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
