DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
