He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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