there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
