you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
