the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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