I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i will never coherently bang her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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