I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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