Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
