her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
