so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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