thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
