Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
