i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
