yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
