if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
