Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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