Where is the hickey?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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