well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
