It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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