Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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