A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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