u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
