your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
