And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
