oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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