Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
