Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
