just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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