Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
