it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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