Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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